Best Gifts for People with Alzheimer’s

Tips from 12 Caregiving Pros

(Bonus: suggestions for family caregiver gifts)

Bring back these sensations whenever possible to brighten long, grey days.

Expert #1: Deonisia Hernandez

House Manager & Caregiver

Care Haven Homes

People of all ages love lots of little holiday surprises. Bring a small treat every time you visit. You could share favorite candies or cookies with Mom or bring a mini bottle of lotion for a gentle hand massage. She’d also be delighted with a new tube of lip balm, non-skid slipper socks or a pair of warm gloves.

(“Nonskid” is essential. If socks are too bulky to wear with shoes, then be sure they have a gripping surface on the bottom of the foot.)

Expert #2: Sharon Springer

Retired Activities Assistant

Care Haven Homes

Make Mom and Dad FEEL good. Give the gift of soft, flannel pillowcases and fuzzy blankets.

It’s a great time for fun flavors, too. Next time you’re at the drug store, pick up a holiday pack of Lifesavers or flavored lip balm. Don’t forget the seasonal crowd favorite, either: popcorn.

(However, please don’t leave a big basket of fruit, jellies or other “spoilables” in your loved ones’ room. Bring just enough for the two of you to enjoy OR plan to share with other residents and caregivers.)

Expert #3: Teresa Borger

Community Liaison

Spectrum Home Health

Create a calendar filled with family pictures from your loved one’s past and hang it in their room, in clear view. There are many scrapbooking products and online services from which to choose — but you’ll save a lot by waiting for a seasonal special!

Hint: If you don’t complete your calendar in time, then make it a New Year’s gift. Ask friends and family to come to seasonal gatherings bearing scanned copies of their favorite photos or have them email high-resolution JPEGs. Once you’ve fulfilled your holiday obligations, use your “downtime” to finish the project.

(We’ll add a special request here: Please fill in birthdays, anniversaries and other important family milestones or events. These make great conversation starters for caregivers and visitors.)

The Best Gifts for People with Alzheimer’s Keep Them Smiling

Be careful when you stir memories and emotions, as not all are happy. Do your best to keep Mom and Dad feeling good throughout the season. That may mean distracting them from unhappy thoughts by introducing pleasant new sights, smells, tastes and sounds.

Expert #4: Linda Harmon

Former Director

Jeanne’s Place, a social engagement activity program for adults in the early stages of dementia

A soft stuffed animal is very comforting. I once worked with a cat lover who could no longer keep a pet. Her family’s gift of a FurReal kitty, which purred and moved its head, was a huge hit. Mom spent much of her day calmly petting her plush feline friend!

While that cat lover wasn’t a bird lover, many people are. Consider buying and installing a bird feeder just outside Mom’s window. (If she’s living in a home other than yours, consult with her caregivers first, as bird seed can be hard on grass and landscaping. Please volunteer to take charge of refilling the feeder, too!)

I’d also suggest a digital photo frame loaded with pictures of family and friends, set to change images every several seconds.

Expert #5: Karen Clond, LMSW

Dementia Care Specialist

Heart of America Alzheimer’s Association

I’m a huge fan of an Amaryllis bulb in a pot. Watch it brighten the room as it grows and flowers during dreary winter months. (You can also force other spring bulbs to bloom, but the amaryllis gives a fantastic show.)

Expert #6: Michael Fleming

Son of former resident

Care Haven Homes

You can’t go wrong with warm, non-skid socks and full slippers for Mom or Dad. Give long-sleeve mock turtlenecks to the ladies and flannel shirts to Dad!

(Mike shows he’s an expert when he specifies “full slippers.” Avoid mule-style, backless slippers, because they might slip off and trip Mom or Dad as they walk.)

Expert #7: Jane Knapp

Daughter of  former resident

Care Haven Homes

Dad loved the cuddly blanket we gave him – sheepskin on one side and velveteen on the other. He enjoyed getting new pajamas, too.

Dad particularly appreciated how specially designed clothes, like shirts and pants for the wheelchair-bound, made life more comfortable. We even found a cape that was fantastic for winter outings.

Dad loved popcorn, diet soda pop and cookies. He was thrilled to get a new video or a personalized calendar with pictures of his kids and grandkids.

The absolute best gift anyone can give, though, is time. Your loved one appreciates that more than anything else. I often watched sullen residents suddenly turn joyful with the arrival of a family member.

The Best Gifts for People with Alzheimer’s Create Special Moments

Jane makes a good point. Winter days often seem long and lonely. Things finally get interesting as soon as visitors appear.

Give your loved one 20 to 60 minutes of your undivided attention and pledge to stay calm, no matter what happens. Join them in their moment, just as they are today.

From Expert #8: Deborah Garnett, RN, PhD

Daughter of  former resident

Care Haven Homes

Keep it small and simple. Instead of a big Christmas gift, I “treated” Mom to fun times with family.

There are so many ways to give the gift of a better visit:

• I bought small craft projects, games or jigsaw puzzles, which I stored in my car. If Mom was in the mood at the start of a visit, I dashed out to retrieve one to work on together. (If she wasn’t interested, I left everything in the car, thus keeping her house uncluttered.)
• I kept a digital photo album of Mom and different family members on my phone. I also kept a photo collage in her room, which we occasionally brought down for a closer look. Here’s a bonus tip: Mom was more engaged when we looked at pictures that included her, too!
• Bright flowers are always a hit. Mom enjoyed arranging them in a vase, then putting them on a table in the living room to share.
• She also loved it when I brought a bag of miniature candy bars. Again, Mom enjoyed having something she could share, beaming as she doled sweets out to caregivers and other residents.

And for an Even Better Visit

Whatever you bring, deliver it with the gift of a quiet visit. Go by yourself or in a group of two or three. Prepare to leave whenever your loved one seems tired, overwhelmed or agitated.

Most important, be sure everyone is healthy. DON’T bring the “gift” of a cold or flu to seniors whose immune systems are much weaker than yours.

DO, however, consider sharing a child’s infectious giggles and smiles with Mom or Dad. Many older adults love seeing babies and toddlers. Stay awhile if your little one is happily engaged, but bring your visit to a close as soon as she – or Mom – is ready for a nap.

Occasionally Become a Tour Director

Expert #9: Caroll Oliver

Retired Community Engagement Specialist

Formerly with Humana, Great Lakes Caring Home Health Hospice, KU Alzheimer’s Disease Research Center

Take Mom or Dad on a fun outing. For example, I take my mom to lunch, followed by a manicure or pedicure.

Expert #10: Nori Nakamura

Owner

Musical Journey

Spending time together is a beautiful thing. Take your loved one to a restaurant or Christmas concert, or chauffer them during a tour of Christmas lighting displays. While they might not remember the details later, the positive mood you’ve created lasts long after the event.

(Just be careful while you’re out and about. Check out our five winter safety tips for seniors so everyone returns home safe and sound.)

Above All, If You Want to Give One of the Best Gifts for People With Alzheimer’s, Then Bring JOY!

Expert #11: Caroline Dawson, LMSW

Agewise Advocacy & Consulting

Member, Social Worker

Comfort is one of the best gifts to give throughout the season. Over-stimulated leads to OVERWHELMED, so people coping with dementia need your help to avoid growing tired, agitated and confused.

Whatever your traditions, permit yourself to do more of what works and less of what doesn’t. Aim to spend time together in calm one-on-one moments or small group gatherings rather than overwhelming celebrations. Adjust your expectations – and those of family and friends.

• Are old neighbors asking to visit? Tell them what dates and times work best, even if that means asking them to wait for the new year. Consider inviting them, one or two at a time, to peruse favorite photo albums or sing favorite carols together.
• While family members may insist on giving presents, try to avoid a big, noisy exchange. Suggest gifts or gift certificates Mom can use during the new year: coffees, teas, sweets, manicures or movies to be enjoyed at home or during special outings. (Don’t forget to assure gift givers you’ll remind Mom of their generosity every time you bring out those decadent chocolates!)
• Does the loss of a particular tradition seem too much to bear? Preserve it by passing it on! Teach your children, nieces and nephews to bake Mom’s cookies or to carve a roast like Dad. Go ahead and buy tickets to the Messiah or the Nutcracker, then treat a friend to the experience. Spread the joy!

The Best Gifts for People with Alzheimer’s Support, Stimulate & Engage

Alzheimer’s is a journey. This season, attempt to meet your loved one wherever the road has taken them. Use the past as a guide, but look for clues that it may be time for something new.

From Expert #12: Jeanne Reeder, LCSW

Director of Educational and Social Services

Alzheimer’s Foundation of America

Suggestions for people in the early stages of dementia

Give anything that enhances or jogs their memory

• Pocket-sized calendar, diary or notebook
• White dry-erase board (or maybe one for each room)
• Calendar with family members’ pictures and names (see Expert 3’s suggestions above)

Or helps with everyday tasks

• Memory phone with photos accompanying name and contact information
• Clock with the date and time in large type (a much-loved gift that helps caregivers, too)
• Night lights that come on automatically at dusk

Keep them engaged (see Expert 8 above, too)

• Outings to movies, museums, plays or sporting events
• iPod personalized with their favorite music
• DVDs of favorite musicals or TV shows (e.g., Gunsmoke, I Love Lucy, Golden Girls)

Concentrate on further stimulating the senses as your loved one moves to Alzheimer’s middle or late stages (See Experts 1, 2 and 7 above for ideas)

Keep them connected to friends and family

We’ll also add one of our favorite holiday suggestions for anyone with dementia, especially those in the early stages. One of the best gifts for people with Alzheimer’s is the chance to make a meaningful contribution. Help Mom and Dad share their most valuable gifts: talents, recipes or traditions. Express your delight as these treasures are passed on to you, too. For example, when you look at old photos together, listen as Mom not only names the stranger no one else remembers but also recalls their story. Thank her for saving this piece of family history.

Jeanne’s Bonus Tip: Don’t Forget A Gift for the Family Caregiver!

A family caregiver values time, respite and companionship – but on their terms.

Offer to cook a meal once a month and stay to visit when you deliver it.

Give a gift certificate for professional services – or a homemade coupon if you’re willing and able – to

• Help with house cleaning, lawn care or snow removal
• Provide respite care

Consider gift certificates that help the caregiver enjoy their respite with

• Entertainment, like restaurants, concerts or movies
• Pamperings, like a day at the spa or a massage, manicure and pedicure
• A shopping trip: to a craft store, bookstore or boutique

Support caregivers no matter how they spend their time off, whether perusing an art gallery, catching up on their knitting, enjoying a cup of coffee or attending a support group meeting.

Remember that even little splurges brighten a family caregiver’s stressful days. A box of special teas says you’re thinking of her as she sips her afternoon cup. A luxurious hand cream brings welcome relief to chapped hands as she washes them yet again. Flameless candles are a luxury that adds ambiance to her home without raising safety concerns.

Make It A Season – Not a Day – of Giving

To sum up, don’t stress over dates and deadlines this season. People with Alzheimer’s – and their family caregivers – needn’t be tightly tethered to the holiday calendar.

Something Nori Nakamura said bears repeating.

“While [your loved one] might not remember the details later, the positive mood you create lasts long after. . . .”

Don’t worry about presenting the perfect gift on the date you’ve always celebrated. Instead, choose a day you can relax and enjoy together. Consult with your loved one’s caregivers to find the time of day they’re generally content and alert. Check for the quietest times in their home, when other residents and activities won’t distract them.

Then, as Caroline Dawson suggests,

“Spread the Joy!”

Treasure merely being together. When you leave, rest assured you’ve given Mom or Dad a sense that all is well, a comforting feeling that lasts for days. After all, comfort is one of the best gifts for people with Alzheimer’s.

Resources from other sites to help with this season’s visits

• The Alzheimer’s Association’s holiday guide: The Holidays and Alzheimers
• 5 Things to Never Say to a Person with Alzheimer’s